Fantastic piece. I relate to many aspects of this. I recently started a new job, and got quite suddenly sick right after joining. Because I set very high standards for myself - and others - I immediately began to lose confidence, and to continually wonder if I was "doing enough" or "adding enough value" to justify me being in the role. You can see how this line of thinking could very easily spiral out of control.

One of the best pieces of advice that I had often given others - but needed to take onboard myself - is to "stay in the grey" or "live in the grey". It sounds simple but it's tough to do. It's about finding a balance between learning and doing, especially in a new job.

Another way of thinking about it is to imagine yourself in the middle of a see-saw. The expectations you apply to yourself can push you to one end, where you're diving in and churning through lots of work. But this approach lacks the appropriate balance between learning/absorbing information and genuinely adding value through your actions.

I know that's perhaps a slight tangent to your broader points, but your discussion about "control" and its relationship to your career really speaks to me.